Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize