This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
