there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
