and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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