I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
