i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
