Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The police scanner is talking about you again....
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
