He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
