I will die if light touches me.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
