think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
