honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
