I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Randomize
