I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
