we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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