Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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