I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
third nipple confirmed
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
