Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize