Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize