Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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