Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
