I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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