i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I need to calm my uterus...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
