come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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