I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
