she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
