Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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