At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The cops high fived after they tackled you
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
