Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
