i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
