was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
