Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
