im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
