wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
