Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You ate ashes out of my bong
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
