I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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