I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
