I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
