So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
soo... how was my night?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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