please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize