this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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