it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
