if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
