You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
