You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
