What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
