sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
