My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
