if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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