I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
