Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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