You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
