So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
