This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
