for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize