so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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