WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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