some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
