my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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