her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm like, not good at living.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
