i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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