We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
