I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That accounts for only three of the penises
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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