well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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