So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
