I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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