Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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