his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
