Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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