i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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