I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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