Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
