Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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