then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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