When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm both gender and math confused
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize