are you so shy because you have an std?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
