I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
