I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
