we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
