my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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