I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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