I think i peed on brittanys purse
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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