Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
