so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
