My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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