im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
