Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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