Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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