Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
