Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
