Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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