he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
