Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize