Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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