I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
