We won't sleep together?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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