You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
