These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
