just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
