there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
