That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize