just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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