that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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